Earlier this week Pastor Ellen, Frank, Doris and I attended the council meeting at United Congregational Christian Church where we were introduced to Pastor Jack and we were given the opportunity to share about planting "God's Church." This introduction was in preparation for our being allowed access to UCCC's facilities so that God's Church Sunday Services could be held there.
Pastor Ellen spoke briefly about her background and what God's Church has been doing thus far. At some point she shared that "Suzie's grandfather planted a church in Sacramento years ago" and also stated "Suzie also has her own faith story to tell" and my eyes opened a bit wider (not because of the ADHD wide-angled vision) and I think I even held my breath for a moment. Fortunately I was not asked what my faith story was!!
As soon as we got in the car after the meeting, I told Pastor Ellen in my panicky but humorous tone of voice "don't put me on the spot like that!!" I told her when she said that Suzie has her own faith story to tell, the panicked thought going through my ADHD brain was "I do??"
In having ADHD, nobody can see the invisible processes of what's going on with the thoughts inside my ADHD brain. The scattered thoughts jump around in my brain like the ball in a pinball machine at rapid-fire speed. There has been MUCH anxiety all my life, with feeling pressured to say something in a sensible manner and not make a fool of myself. (After being diagnosed with ADHD four years ago, the anxiety has decreased significantly, due to the fact that I understand why those anxious feelings came about in the first place. I am able to cut myself some slack now.)
Pastor Ellen said that people will ask me what my faith story is and that I should have that ready to share. In my panicked humorous way, I said "I don't know what my faith story is!" and I jokingly asked "are you sure I even read that book??"
I repeatedly told Pastor Ellen "but don't put me on the spot like that!!" and I shared how it takes time for me to think, and then put the scattered thoughts into somewhat of a sensible sentence, far from coming up with a complete story! In my ADHD manner I am able to impulsively blurt out a quick-witted (sometimes annoying) response to things, but making a decision or having to explain something can be next to impossible for me to do at a moment's notice! It takes time to slow down the thoughts in this ADHD brain and connect those scattered thoughts before speaking them.
So during the last two days, I have thought hard about who I am in being a planter of God's Church with little Biblical knowledge and being at the beginning of my faith journey.
This is the result of "being still" and putting the scattered thoughts together after searching my Bible for the message God wanted me "to get." ..........
As Asian members of God's Church, our outward appearances might be obviously different to some people. For those who have never been in personal relationship with an Asian person, one might think we ARE different and yes we are, but so is everyone whether Asian or not. God made each and every one of us and we are all different from one another in our own unique and wonderful ways, but we are ALL God's children.
In getting to know us in closer relationship as friends you will find that our Asian hearts and our love for the Lord are the same as any other Christ loving person. At God's Church we enjoy ministering to children and their families. We come together on Sundays in our own unique ways which are probably not so traditional in comparison to most typical worship services.
Our basic beliefs and what we know to be true for our children and for generations to come, is best explained as we.....
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. - Psalm 100:1-5
Yes, being Asian makes us look different in our appearances but our hearts show just who we are and how we are just the same in being God's children.
A wonderful song from my childhood reminds me that........Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world!!
.....ALL Children!! Praise be to God!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Preaching without Knowing
This morning God gave His Bible message to me through the interpretation of an owl which flew past me late last night while driving home. While journaling I felt that little "nudge" from God and I figured God was telling me that I should share the experience at church, so I did.
This afternoon, Pastor Ellen and I talked on the phone and she mentioned how "the prologue" I spoke of at church this morning is a "classic." I was clueless, not even knowing what "prologue" meant. (In fact I had to look it up right now.)
"Prologue" means; A) The preface or introduction to a literary work. B) An introductory or preceding event or development.
Pastor Ellen also told me that this particular chapter and those verses are a "classic" amongst Theologians. My typical response was "huh?" So I just looked these words up too.
"Classic" means; A) Serving as a standard of excellence, B) Historically memorable, C) Noted because of special literary or historical associations.
"Theology" means; A) The study of religious faith, practice and experience; especially: the study of God and God's relation to the world.
This was even more amazing to think that God had an owl give me a message, and it so happened to be that the message from the BIble that God led me to find is a "classic prologue" amongst theologians! WOW.
I told Pastor Ellen that I don't share with the thought in mind that it is "preaching" since I don't know anything. I added that all that I share is only what I am learning along the way.
God has been sending me messages in various tangible ways through the creatures of nature which He created. God knit me this way in my mom's womb with a purpose in mind. He knit me with wide-angled vision (some might call it " getting distracted") and God knit me with an inquisitive ADHD mind, knowing full well that I would take notice of just about everything and "wonder why." And in wondering why, it leads me to look things up in my Bible which takes me to just the right message which God wants me to "get."
God knit me in my mom's womb this way on purpose and he knew the adventure this faith journey would take me through while connecting the scattered ADHD thoughts along the way, and it's The only Way.
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6
note: Seeing an owl fly past me in complete darkness while on the drive home late last night made me realize there must be a message God wants me to "get." It was very late and I was too tired to search my Bible so I went to bed instead.
In searching my Bible this morning with complete wonder as to why I saw an owl in the darkness last night, God led me to just the right Chapter in my Bible without knowing the powerful significance within it.
Along with having ADHD, I also suffer with a reading comprehension disability and most often after reading something, (even if it is only a few sentences) my typical response is "Huh?" "I don't get it."
However, in reading this Chapter which God's owl messenger had me find this morning, it was very clear to me (no "huh" needed here!) and there was NO question in my mind about what God wanted me "to get." I obeyed the nudge from God and shared the owl messenger story at church today and read this entire Chapter aloud to everyone. This chapter is also what God wants me to share with you in this Blog and it is my pleasure and great honor to do so......
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor or human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying "This was he of whom I said, He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me." From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known. - John 1:1-18
This afternoon, Pastor Ellen and I talked on the phone and she mentioned how "the prologue" I spoke of at church this morning is a "classic." I was clueless, not even knowing what "prologue" meant. (In fact I had to look it up right now.)
"Prologue" means; A) The preface or introduction to a literary work. B) An introductory or preceding event or development.
Pastor Ellen also told me that this particular chapter and those verses are a "classic" amongst Theologians. My typical response was "huh?" So I just looked these words up too.
"Classic" means; A) Serving as a standard of excellence, B) Historically memorable, C) Noted because of special literary or historical associations.
"Theology" means; A) The study of religious faith, practice and experience; especially: the study of God and God's relation to the world.
This was even more amazing to think that God had an owl give me a message, and it so happened to be that the message from the BIble that God led me to find is a "classic prologue" amongst theologians! WOW.
I told Pastor Ellen that I don't share with the thought in mind that it is "preaching" since I don't know anything. I added that all that I share is only what I am learning along the way.
God has been sending me messages in various tangible ways through the creatures of nature which He created. God knit me this way in my mom's womb with a purpose in mind. He knit me with wide-angled vision (some might call it " getting distracted") and God knit me with an inquisitive ADHD mind, knowing full well that I would take notice of just about everything and "wonder why." And in wondering why, it leads me to look things up in my Bible which takes me to just the right message which God wants me to "get."
God knit me in my mom's womb this way on purpose and he knew the adventure this faith journey would take me through while connecting the scattered ADHD thoughts along the way, and it's The only Way.
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6
note: Seeing an owl fly past me in complete darkness while on the drive home late last night made me realize there must be a message God wants me to "get." It was very late and I was too tired to search my Bible so I went to bed instead.
In searching my Bible this morning with complete wonder as to why I saw an owl in the darkness last night, God led me to just the right Chapter in my Bible without knowing the powerful significance within it.
Along with having ADHD, I also suffer with a reading comprehension disability and most often after reading something, (even if it is only a few sentences) my typical response is "Huh?" "I don't get it."
However, in reading this Chapter which God's owl messenger had me find this morning, it was very clear to me (no "huh" needed here!) and there was NO question in my mind about what God wanted me "to get." I obeyed the nudge from God and shared the owl messenger story at church today and read this entire Chapter aloud to everyone. This chapter is also what God wants me to share with you in this Blog and it is my pleasure and great honor to do so......
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor or human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying "This was he of whom I said, He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me." From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known. - John 1:1-18
Woodpeckers and Bunnies
While getting ready for church this morning, I heard a woodpecker in the front yard and he was pecking away at machine gun speed. I glanced about but couldn't see where he was. He kept firing away with his beak pecking repeatedly, sounding like a jack hammer beating on something hollow.
It made me remember what God told me through his woodpecker messenger once before. This woodpecker was reminding me that God wants me to "slow down." Calm the thoughts and "be still." "Don't be too hyper or you will miss the message that I want you to learn."
When we drove into our driveway after church, my little cotton-tailed bunny friend was waiting on the front lawn. I guess God wanted to doubly remind me to "slow down" and keep the ADHD thoughts from bouncing about so fast. Be still. Slow down. Just listen in stillness. God sent me this bunny messenger today in addition to the woodpecker, to make sure I will "get it."
.....faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. - Romans 10:17
It made me remember what God told me through his woodpecker messenger once before. This woodpecker was reminding me that God wants me to "slow down." Calm the thoughts and "be still." "Don't be too hyper or you will miss the message that I want you to learn."
When we drove into our driveway after church, my little cotton-tailed bunny friend was waiting on the front lawn. I guess God wanted to doubly remind me to "slow down" and keep the ADHD thoughts from bouncing about so fast. Be still. Slow down. Just listen in stillness. God sent me this bunny messenger today in addition to the woodpecker, to make sure I will "get it."
.....faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. - Romans 10:17
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Chicken Herder
This morning Quackie, Mr. Rooster and our only surviving hen were out of their pen roaming the backyard near our house. Angel and I went outside and Quackie started quacking very loudly. The hen and the rooster didn't care that we were nearby (they are very tame and used to us) but Quackie was being very protective.
The hen came into the patio area without fear and she poked about the plants in search of a tasty bug. The hen never glanced at us with any fear or concern even though Angel was right there and was cautiously looking at her with her head down low, ready to pounce on the hen at any moment. (Angel always leaves them alone and never chases them)
Quackie was concerned for the hen's safety and fearlessly waddled her way into the patio while quacking loudly the entire way as she watched us with confidence and an "I mean business" attitude. She seemed to be scolding the hen for being too close to us but the hen didn't care and she ignored Quackie.
It was inspiring to see that Quackie was tending her "flock" just as Jesus would tend to his flock. He tends his flock like a shepherd. - Isaiah 40:11
When the hen started to wander from the patio, Quackie began to quack very loudly again. She seemed to be herding up the hen as the hen eventually joined Mr. Rooster on the lawn and Quackie guided them from behind as she herded them towards the chicken pen.
Angel slowly tip toed towards them (if a dog is able to tip toe, but you get the picture!) with her head down low as though the chase would begin at any moment. To protect the hen and Mr. Rooster, Quackie quacked very loudly as she turned away from them and slowly waddled off in the other direction while glancing back to see if Angel was following her instead of her "flock" which she was "tending."
It was interesting to see this interaction between these wonderful animals of different species from God's animal kingdom. What an amazing, tangible demonstration of the loving care that a shepherd as Jesus would have, in tending his flock with protection and love. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. - John 10:11
Apparently a good "duck shepherd" would also be willing to lay down her life for the chicken flock she was tending to.
note: Angel left them all alone, and Quackie returned to "herding" them back to the chicken pen.
The hen came into the patio area without fear and she poked about the plants in search of a tasty bug. The hen never glanced at us with any fear or concern even though Angel was right there and was cautiously looking at her with her head down low, ready to pounce on the hen at any moment. (Angel always leaves them alone and never chases them)
Quackie was concerned for the hen's safety and fearlessly waddled her way into the patio while quacking loudly the entire way as she watched us with confidence and an "I mean business" attitude. She seemed to be scolding the hen for being too close to us but the hen didn't care and she ignored Quackie.
It was inspiring to see that Quackie was tending her "flock" just as Jesus would tend to his flock. He tends his flock like a shepherd. - Isaiah 40:11
When the hen started to wander from the patio, Quackie began to quack very loudly again. She seemed to be herding up the hen as the hen eventually joined Mr. Rooster on the lawn and Quackie guided them from behind as she herded them towards the chicken pen.
Angel slowly tip toed towards them (if a dog is able to tip toe, but you get the picture!) with her head down low as though the chase would begin at any moment. To protect the hen and Mr. Rooster, Quackie quacked very loudly as she turned away from them and slowly waddled off in the other direction while glancing back to see if Angel was following her instead of her "flock" which she was "tending."
It was interesting to see this interaction between these wonderful animals of different species from God's animal kingdom. What an amazing, tangible demonstration of the loving care that a shepherd as Jesus would have, in tending his flock with protection and love. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. - John 10:11
Apparently a good "duck shepherd" would also be willing to lay down her life for the chicken flock she was tending to.
note: Angel left them all alone, and Quackie returned to "herding" them back to the chicken pen.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
No Forgotten Passwords
When we have computers we often have all kinds of accounts online and for security purposes in order to login to them, we are required to create a "user I.D." and a "password" which allows access into that site after we enter the required login information correctly.
When we forget what our user I.D. or password is, we are denied access to that secure site and we are given the message "your password or user I.D. does not match our records." How frustrating it is when we are not allowed access! How frustrating it is to have forgotten the I.D. and/or password that we created! God gave us the promise of eternal life when we became a Christian and He knows the I.D. of each and every one of us.
My Bible explains how to become a Christian.....if you are not a Christian and want to become one, all you have to do is confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. - Romans 10:9,10
When you "receive Christ" you acknowledge your belief in Christ, you invite him to come into your life, and are to turn to God from your present way of living (repentance) then take the adventure of letting God direct your life! Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. - John 1:12
As a child in God's family we still mess up. (too many times to count, for me!) However, God loves us so much that he will always forgive us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9
Jesus died to take the penalty for our sins and took our punishment so we wouldn't have to. For Christ died for sins once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit. - 1 Peter 3:18
God knows the I.D. of each of his followers who became one of his children when we received Christ. God never forgets who we are nor will he ever abandon us or reject us no matter how much or how badly we sin. We are able to feel safe and secure in our salvation because we chose to follow Jesus. Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6
To gain access to Heaven where we will have eternal life, God knows our I.D. already and what we need to remember daily is to live to please "Jesus Christ" for He is our password for secure entry! And that password is an easy one to remember!
When we forget what our user I.D. or password is, we are denied access to that secure site and we are given the message "your password or user I.D. does not match our records." How frustrating it is when we are not allowed access! How frustrating it is to have forgotten the I.D. and/or password that we created! God gave us the promise of eternal life when we became a Christian and He knows the I.D. of each and every one of us.
My Bible explains how to become a Christian.....if you are not a Christian and want to become one, all you have to do is confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. - Romans 10:9,10
When you "receive Christ" you acknowledge your belief in Christ, you invite him to come into your life, and are to turn to God from your present way of living (repentance) then take the adventure of letting God direct your life! Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. - John 1:12
As a child in God's family we still mess up. (too many times to count, for me!) However, God loves us so much that he will always forgive us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9
Jesus died to take the penalty for our sins and took our punishment so we wouldn't have to. For Christ died for sins once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit. - 1 Peter 3:18
God knows the I.D. of each of his followers who became one of his children when we received Christ. God never forgets who we are nor will he ever abandon us or reject us no matter how much or how badly we sin. We are able to feel safe and secure in our salvation because we chose to follow Jesus. Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6
To gain access to Heaven where we will have eternal life, God knows our I.D. already and what we need to remember daily is to live to please "Jesus Christ" for He is our password for secure entry! And that password is an easy one to remember!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
God Inspired Journaling
"Inspired" - outstanding or brilliant in a way or to a degree suggestive of devine inspiration.
"Inspiration" - a) The quality or state of being inspired. b) A devine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation.
I never knew the exact definition of the above words until I looked them up just now. My journaling is a result of the many thoughts which God puts in my ADHD mind in the first place so the actual journaling truly is a result of God's inspirations.
God gifted me with writing abilities which is far from the same compared to the way that I speak out loud. I don't hear God's voice speaking to me, but God sends tangible things / ways to hold my attention long enough to know that at some point I have to slow down, reflect and "get it." God knows how to send his messages in a manner in which they can be best understood by me. That in itself is a huge thing for this ADHD lamb.
My ADHD mind and wide angeled vision scans the environment and notices every little thing and when something catches and holds my attention in some awe inspiring way, it usually means there is a message there and God wants me to "be still" and contemplate in order to realize what that message may be.
God knit me in my mother's womb with a scattered brain (on purpose!) yet at the same time He also knit me with the ability to connect the many scattered thoughts and put them together in sensible written journaling.
Is sharing the "God Inspired Journaling" God's purpose for me? If God wants to use me as his instrument in order to spread the joy and love which He has to offer, then I am to obey.
Father God, thank you for getting my attention and helping me to stay focused on your tangible clues. Thank you for helping me to "be still" in order for me to "get it." My written journals of inspiration are from you and about you. Connecting the scattered thoughts in this ADHD brain you wired me with, and putting those thoughts to paper shows your amazing presence in my life. Thank you for loving me and for giving me this purpose.
.....so is the word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A Turkey kind of Christian
God sent me His message today by way of a wild turkey. She was a female wild turkey and she was all by herself near our barn.
Seeing a lone wild turkey seemed strange to me because we see wild turkeys out here in the country quite often but they are always in flocks in as few in number as 13 and as many as 24 or so.
So why was this lone female wild turkey all by herself and all by herself on OUR property and TODAY of all days, since it was my day off? Maybe she was a turkey with ADHD and she got distracted and lost her way from the rest of the flock?
The dictionary lists the definition of "turkey" as:
Seeing a lone wild turkey seemed strange to me because we see wild turkeys out here in the country quite often but they are always in flocks in as few in number as 13 and as many as 24 or so.
So why was this lone female wild turkey all by herself and all by herself on OUR property and TODAY of all days, since it was my day off? Maybe she was a turkey with ADHD and she got distracted and lost her way from the rest of the flock?
The dictionary lists the definition of "turkey" as:
- 1) A large North American gallinaceous bird that is domesticated in most parts of the world.
- 2) Failure, Flop; especially a theatrical production that has failed.
- 3) Three successive strikes in bowling.
- 4) A stupid, foolish or inept person.
My interpretation of God's wild turkey message is that God doesn't want me to be a stupid, foolish or inept follower of Christ. Being a "born again" Christian is not some kind of theatrical performance after all. Acting like a good Christian person doesn't fool God because God can see right through that act.
God knows what's in my heart and he knows whether my living a Christ-filled life is an honest desire that I strive for daily or whether it is just a "performance" on my part.
Getting a "strike" in bowling means you knock all 10 pins down on the first try and bowling three strikes right in a row is known as a "turkey." Nobody is perfect. Only Jesus is, but God wants me to attempt to get a perfect three strikes in a row to get a "turkey."
God sent my hyper hummingbird friend to the park today to remind me to "be still" and think about the message which God was trying to tell me by way of that lone wild turkey messenger. She was not an ADHD wild turkey at all. She was sent here on purpose to give me this special message from God.
Living a perfect Christian life is impossible because we are only human. I slip up everyday, too many times to keep track of even! What God wants me to do is repent daily, and ask him for forgiveness.
What God wants me to do everyday is trust him and obey him with sincere honesty and desire, and in doing so I won't be a stupid, foolish or inept "Turkey of a Christian." It's that simple!
"Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright." - Proverbs 14:9
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Trust Me, I will be right here....
Jesus spoke to me through Donny Osmond while Donny was singing about the wonderful promises that Jesus has for me. God knows how difficult it is for me to understand His promises when I can't see Him or even know what the promises are to begin with.
Tell me from the heart, in your eyes I see the pain, it's tearing you apart, let me take it all away. Know someone believes in you, and will love you no matter what you do, you know you are at home and you're not alone when you hear me say.....
This song explains that I may seem okay on the surface but Jesus knows the deep hidden pain I feel because he can see it in my eyes and he wants to take away the pain in my heart. This song also tells me that Jesus believes in me and loves me no matter what I do, because his love is totally unconditional and I am "always in his heart no matter where I am", especially in the times where I may stray.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are you're always in my heart, whenever you're in trouble I will be right here.
Broken promises can be so disappointing and hurtful. But I don't need to be anxious about feeling alone in my times of deep hurt from being deceived because Jesus is saying He will be right here and He will be my strength and he will give me new meaning.
Sometimes you're gonna find, nothing goes the way you've planned. But whatever's on your mind, I will try to understand. Know someone is by your side who may help you through the darkest night, you know you are home and you're not alone, when you hear me say.....
Jesus also knows that sometimes things don't go as I planned. He knows how I worry about God's Church and my Christian support system no longer being here for me. Jesus wants me to know that everything on my mind is important to him and he understands it all. He knows how discouraged and scared I can get. Jesus knows how I hate being hurt emotionally and that I often put up that protective bubble in trying to avoid any potential hurt while pretending I'm okay. He wants me to know he's by my side and will help me through the darkest nights.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving, I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are, you're always in my heart, whenever you're in trouble, I will be right here.
Now's the time to share what you're feeling inside, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many mistakes. Oh now's the time, to reach and you will find, that whenever you need me to care I'll always be there.
Jesus knows that as a defense mechanism, I often stuff hurtful things inside to avoid any pain. Jesus knows this sort of coping mechanism is unhealthy. He wants me to finally come to terms with my buried hurt.
He wants me to be able to open up and share what I'm feeling inside even though there might be long periods of silence from me. No matter how long it takes for me to open up, no matter how stupid I might think my feelings are, Jesus wants me to trust him and reach for him and realize that whenever I need him to care he'll always be there.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are, you're always in my heart. Whenever you're in trouble I will be right here.
note: while listening to Donny's just-released c.d. many times over, I finally realized that these lyrics were speaking to me and I e-mailed Pastor Ellen and Julia with excitement and told them "Jesus spoke to me and he sounds just like Donny!" hee hee hee. :-)
Tell me from the heart, in your eyes I see the pain, it's tearing you apart, let me take it all away. Know someone believes in you, and will love you no matter what you do, you know you are at home and you're not alone when you hear me say.....
This song explains that I may seem okay on the surface but Jesus knows the deep hidden pain I feel because he can see it in my eyes and he wants to take away the pain in my heart. This song also tells me that Jesus believes in me and loves me no matter what I do, because his love is totally unconditional and I am "always in his heart no matter where I am", especially in the times where I may stray.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are you're always in my heart, whenever you're in trouble I will be right here.
Broken promises can be so disappointing and hurtful. But I don't need to be anxious about feeling alone in my times of deep hurt from being deceived because Jesus is saying He will be right here and He will be my strength and he will give me new meaning.
Sometimes you're gonna find, nothing goes the way you've planned. But whatever's on your mind, I will try to understand. Know someone is by your side who may help you through the darkest night, you know you are home and you're not alone, when you hear me say.....
Jesus also knows that sometimes things don't go as I planned. He knows how I worry about God's Church and my Christian support system no longer being here for me. Jesus wants me to know that everything on my mind is important to him and he understands it all. He knows how discouraged and scared I can get. Jesus knows how I hate being hurt emotionally and that I often put up that protective bubble in trying to avoid any potential hurt while pretending I'm okay. He wants me to know he's by my side and will help me through the darkest nights.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving, I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are, you're always in my heart, whenever you're in trouble, I will be right here.
Now's the time to share what you're feeling inside, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many mistakes. Oh now's the time, to reach and you will find, that whenever you need me to care I'll always be there.
Jesus knows that as a defense mechanism, I often stuff hurtful things inside to avoid any pain. Jesus knows this sort of coping mechanism is unhealthy. He wants me to finally come to terms with my buried hurt.
He wants me to be able to open up and share what I'm feeling inside even though there might be long periods of silence from me. No matter how long it takes for me to open up, no matter how stupid I might think my feelings are, Jesus wants me to trust him and reach for him and realize that whenever I need him to care he'll always be there.
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you may need me, I will fight for you, I will help you through. Whenever life's deceiving I'll give you new meaning, no matter where you are, you're always in my heart. Whenever you're in trouble I will be right here.
note: while listening to Donny's just-released c.d. many times over, I finally realized that these lyrics were speaking to me and I e-mailed Pastor Ellen and Julia with excitement and told them "Jesus spoke to me and he sounds just like Donny!" hee hee hee. :-)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
God's Hyper, Cotton-Tailed Bunny Messenger
This morning I went to the cemetery and sat in the chapel where mom's urn is in it's niche. I took my c.d. player with me and the new Donny Osmond c.d. which was just released this month. I didn't even know that Donny was putting out a c.d. and how excited I was that I "happened" to stumble upon while at Target! (Hey, don't laugh at my Donny!)
One of the songs on the c.d. which Donny co-wrote is "Whenever You're in Trouble" and one night I realized that it is God's message to me through Donny's beautiful singing voice! I also realized that I did not "stumble upon" this c.d. It was God's perfect plan for me to be in the music section and notice it, knowing full well that there was this special song with the words which He would speak so clearly to me.
While in the chapel, I sobbed while journaling my thoughts to mom and my heart ached because I've missed her so much lately. As I continued to journal and sob, that special song was being sung to me through Donny's comforting voice and it was God's assurances and comfort to me.
After more than an hour of sobbing and journaling, I drove home to find a small cotton-tailed bunny sitting still on our lawn. There used to be many cotton-tailed bunnies here where we live in the country but we have not seen any for a very long time.
Isn't it amazing that God would send this ADHD-like hyper bunny to "be still" on our front lawn when I came home from being so sad and wiped out from crying so hard. Not having seen any bunnies for a long time makes it even more amazing that God would send His messenger of nature at this particular time and in this particular way. Though I was emotionally exhausted, I sat in the car for a very long time so I could enjoy watching God's bunny messenger. I knew there would be journaling as a result of this miracle.
God always knows what it takes for me to "get it" and he continues to give me his message through the hyper creatures which he created. His hyper messengers of various sorts are sent to tell me to "be still." "Don't be hyper all the time or you might miss what God's message is."
God is amazing and he must really, really love me.
May your unfailing love be my comfort... - Psalm 119:76
One of the songs on the c.d. which Donny co-wrote is "Whenever You're in Trouble" and one night I realized that it is God's message to me through Donny's beautiful singing voice! I also realized that I did not "stumble upon" this c.d. It was God's perfect plan for me to be in the music section and notice it, knowing full well that there was this special song with the words which He would speak so clearly to me.
While in the chapel, I sobbed while journaling my thoughts to mom and my heart ached because I've missed her so much lately. As I continued to journal and sob, that special song was being sung to me through Donny's comforting voice and it was God's assurances and comfort to me.
After more than an hour of sobbing and journaling, I drove home to find a small cotton-tailed bunny sitting still on our lawn. There used to be many cotton-tailed bunnies here where we live in the country but we have not seen any for a very long time.
Isn't it amazing that God would send this ADHD-like hyper bunny to "be still" on our front lawn when I came home from being so sad and wiped out from crying so hard. Not having seen any bunnies for a long time makes it even more amazing that God would send His messenger of nature at this particular time and in this particular way. Though I was emotionally exhausted, I sat in the car for a very long time so I could enjoy watching God's bunny messenger. I knew there would be journaling as a result of this miracle.
God always knows what it takes for me to "get it" and he continues to give me his message through the hyper creatures which he created. His hyper messengers of various sorts are sent to tell me to "be still." "Don't be hyper all the time or you might miss what God's message is."
God is amazing and he must really, really love me.
May your unfailing love be my comfort... - Psalm 119:76
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Correction Fluid and Correction Tape
I keep forgetting to rely on Jesus for strength and comfort, dummy me. In my harshness towards myself there is a tape, or c.d. in my mind which continually plays the negative thoughts and emotions that go along with them. I think Jesus would want me to press "delete" or "skip" or "pause" or turn off the "repeat" button in order to make those negative thoughts and emotions stop.
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out." - Acts 3:19
Jesus wants me to repent so that my negative thoughts about myself and the emotions which go along with them can be "blotted out." Repentance has to do with changing my mind but that will also be transparent in the eventual change (for the better!) in my behavior.
"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?" - Romans 2:4
Part of God's goodness has been shown to me by the many random feathers he sent my way, in the hyper hummingbirds and hyper squirrel he sends to me and the beauty of nature which we have a better view of since we live out in the country.
I need to remember the goodness of God and also the many blessings that I have. Even though I am wired the way that I am, I have to know and believe in my heart that God knit me in my mother's womb this way on purpose after all, and in that there is also God's goodness. I quite often need reminding of that though, in order to realize the positive aspects of having ADHD.
I was created by God, and Pastor Ellen says "God doesn't make junk." When I fall into that bad habit of self-criticism, I am insulting God because he is my Maker.
I am not perfect (only Jesus is!) and my mind is too often used to beat myself up. "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent." - Revelation 3:19
When I beat myself up with those "negative tapes or c.d.s" in my mind, I need to repent in order to blot out that sinful way of thinking about myself. I even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins." - Isaiah 43:25
When I chose to be baptized last September, I chose to turn to Jesus in faith even though I couldn't see him or hear him. I still can't see him or hear him but I am getting better at taking notice in the present moments rather than after the fact. "Practice makes perfect" is what mom used to often say about different things when I was growing up. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1
"Sin shall not have dominion over you." - Romans 6:14 It will take much practice on my part along with daily repentance. However, with help from Jesus I will be "changed" by the blotting out of my sins. It's kind of like Jesus has correction fluid or correction tape!
God is the epitome of goodness!
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out." - Acts 3:19
Jesus wants me to repent so that my negative thoughts about myself and the emotions which go along with them can be "blotted out." Repentance has to do with changing my mind but that will also be transparent in the eventual change (for the better!) in my behavior.
"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?" - Romans 2:4
Part of God's goodness has been shown to me by the many random feathers he sent my way, in the hyper hummingbirds and hyper squirrel he sends to me and the beauty of nature which we have a better view of since we live out in the country.
I need to remember the goodness of God and also the many blessings that I have. Even though I am wired the way that I am, I have to know and believe in my heart that God knit me in my mother's womb this way on purpose after all, and in that there is also God's goodness. I quite often need reminding of that though, in order to realize the positive aspects of having ADHD.
I was created by God, and Pastor Ellen says "God doesn't make junk." When I fall into that bad habit of self-criticism, I am insulting God because he is my Maker.
I am not perfect (only Jesus is!) and my mind is too often used to beat myself up. "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent." - Revelation 3:19
When I beat myself up with those "negative tapes or c.d.s" in my mind, I need to repent in order to blot out that sinful way of thinking about myself. I even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins." - Isaiah 43:25
When I chose to be baptized last September, I chose to turn to Jesus in faith even though I couldn't see him or hear him. I still can't see him or hear him but I am getting better at taking notice in the present moments rather than after the fact. "Practice makes perfect" is what mom used to often say about different things when I was growing up. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1
"Sin shall not have dominion over you." - Romans 6:14 It will take much practice on my part along with daily repentance. However, with help from Jesus I will be "changed" by the blotting out of my sins. It's kind of like Jesus has correction fluid or correction tape!
God is the epitome of goodness!
I will watch you like a hawk, and I will protect you
Today God sent me His reminders again while at Emerson Park. My ADHD hyper little hummingbird friend stopped by for a brief visit to remind me to be still once in awhile and listen for God's messages which might be overlooked otherwise.
I didn't see my ADHD squirrel friend today but there was a hawk that flew by and landed in a nearby palm tree. It seemed very odd to seek a hawk in town since I usually only see them out where we live, in the rural country.
There is a hawk out here who I see sitting on the phone wires much of the time along the same stretch of rural road. He is the hawk that I saw one stormy, rainy day while driving home, and that particular period of time was emotionally rough for me.
The winds from the storm caused the hawk's feathers to stick up and out every which way but he was still sitting on the phone wires as usual. As I continued to drive I realized "I am just like that hawk." He weathered the storm and his feathers were ruffled up a bit, that's all. He is a fighter, just like I want to be.
The hawk which flew into the palm tree at Emerson Park today must have been sent by God for me to take notice of. God wanted to remind me to "be still" and take notice of the goodness of His nature which He created. Seeing this hawk in town knew there was a message God wanted me "to get."
God wants me to know that He watches me like a hawk. How else can He keep track of me and keep me safe? He is always with me and he will always protect me. That's what God wanted me to realize today and He sent me His message through one of the birds of the air which He provides for.
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2
The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day; nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:5-8
I didn't see my ADHD squirrel friend today but there was a hawk that flew by and landed in a nearby palm tree. It seemed very odd to seek a hawk in town since I usually only see them out where we live, in the rural country.
There is a hawk out here who I see sitting on the phone wires much of the time along the same stretch of rural road. He is the hawk that I saw one stormy, rainy day while driving home, and that particular period of time was emotionally rough for me.
The winds from the storm caused the hawk's feathers to stick up and out every which way but he was still sitting on the phone wires as usual. As I continued to drive I realized "I am just like that hawk." He weathered the storm and his feathers were ruffled up a bit, that's all. He is a fighter, just like I want to be.
The hawk which flew into the palm tree at Emerson Park today must have been sent by God for me to take notice of. God wanted to remind me to "be still" and take notice of the goodness of His nature which He created. Seeing this hawk in town knew there was a message God wanted me "to get."
God wants me to know that He watches me like a hawk. How else can He keep track of me and keep me safe? He is always with me and he will always protect me. That's what God wanted me to realize today and He sent me His message through one of the birds of the air which He provides for.
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2
The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day; nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:5-8
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Squirrels, Hummingbirds & the Woodpecker
Last Wednesday while at Emerson Park I saw my squirrel friend again. I figure God sends me this squirrel every week to remind me of Him. Squirrels typically run about so hyper-like and remind me of an ADHD me.
The hummingbird which God sent to me more than once while at the park in the weeks before, remind me of an ADHD hyper me too. Hummingbirds fly fast and zip all over very quickly.
Through these hyper creatures which God created, God wants me to remember to slow down sometimes or I will likely miss what it is that God is trying to tell me.
My squirrel friend was quickly running around the trunk of a tree and in that same tree there was a small bird near the squirrel and she looked like a woodpecker of sorts. She was gripping the tree trunk with her feet but the odd thing about this woodpecker was the behavior she was displaying.
Typically woodpeckers peck at trees very rapidly with hyper, super sonic speed which sounds a bit like a jack hammer. Rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat. (I can't type as fast as the noise sounds!) (wink!) God sent me this particular woodpecker to remind me to slow down because this woodpecker was slowly pecking at the tree with seemingly careful inspection.
For quite a long time, I watched the hyper squirrel clinging to the tree trunk while she was being completely still. And only a few feet away, this calm woodpecker was pecking very slowly on the same tree trunk. I realized God wanted to get my attention and have me take notice of the comparison in a tangible way, and I knew there was something to be journaled about this observation.
God wants me to slow down once in awhile. Be calm. Inspect the beauty around me, all of which are wonderful creations made by God. Be still and listen or look for God's messages in my life or I might miss them all together in being too hyper.
That was the message God wanted to remind me about, so God sent me a hyper squirrel and an unusual woodpecker in order for me to "get it." God is good!
Be still and know that I am God.....Psalm 46:10
The hummingbird which God sent to me more than once while at the park in the weeks before, remind me of an ADHD hyper me too. Hummingbirds fly fast and zip all over very quickly.
Through these hyper creatures which God created, God wants me to remember to slow down sometimes or I will likely miss what it is that God is trying to tell me.
My squirrel friend was quickly running around the trunk of a tree and in that same tree there was a small bird near the squirrel and she looked like a woodpecker of sorts. She was gripping the tree trunk with her feet but the odd thing about this woodpecker was the behavior she was displaying.
Typically woodpeckers peck at trees very rapidly with hyper, super sonic speed which sounds a bit like a jack hammer. Rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat. (I can't type as fast as the noise sounds!) (wink!) God sent me this particular woodpecker to remind me to slow down because this woodpecker was slowly pecking at the tree with seemingly careful inspection.
For quite a long time, I watched the hyper squirrel clinging to the tree trunk while she was being completely still. And only a few feet away, this calm woodpecker was pecking very slowly on the same tree trunk. I realized God wanted to get my attention and have me take notice of the comparison in a tangible way, and I knew there was something to be journaled about this observation.
God wants me to slow down once in awhile. Be calm. Inspect the beauty around me, all of which are wonderful creations made by God. Be still and listen or look for God's messages in my life or I might miss them all together in being too hyper.
That was the message God wanted to remind me about, so God sent me a hyper squirrel and an unusual woodpecker in order for me to "get it." God is good!
Be still and know that I am God.....Psalm 46:10
A Tough Nut to Crack
Seeds sown are covered with an outer shell and once planted they begin to open up. When the seeds open up they begin to sprout, starting out as tiny shoots coming up from underneath the dirt and they grow bigger and stronger every day. For some reason some seeds don't open up and they rot in the ground instead.
What is inside the seed becomes vulnerable when the hard shell opens up. Snails might come and eat the young shoots. Bunnies might nibble on them. Birds might peck at them or the winds might blow and knock the newly budding plants out of the dirt.
Eventually people can enjoy the beautiful results of the seeds because they opend up and endured the risks in becoming a beautiful flower.
Sometimes as vulnerable human beings, we put up a wall of defense to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. We don't want our hearts to be potentially
hurt so we close our hearts off within a hard shell of protection.
Hiding behind a tough shell of defense in trying to avoid any potential hurts, only interferes with the possibility of the inner beauty of our hearts to be shared with others. Instead we need to allow our hearts to open up to being vulnerable to the things in life which could possibly hurt us emotionally. We don't want our closed off hearts to never open up and "rot" so to speak. Instead we need to be brave and allow the beauty within our hearts to sprout and be shared with others.
With Jesus' help, we can be more courageous and crack open that tough shell of defense which we often use to protect our hearts from being potentially hurt.
Fear not for I am with you....Isaiah 41:10
What is inside the seed becomes vulnerable when the hard shell opens up. Snails might come and eat the young shoots. Bunnies might nibble on them. Birds might peck at them or the winds might blow and knock the newly budding plants out of the dirt.
Eventually people can enjoy the beautiful results of the seeds because they opend up and endured the risks in becoming a beautiful flower.
Sometimes as vulnerable human beings, we put up a wall of defense to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. We don't want our hearts to be potentially
hurt so we close our hearts off within a hard shell of protection.
Hiding behind a tough shell of defense in trying to avoid any potential hurts, only interferes with the possibility of the inner beauty of our hearts to be shared with others. Instead we need to allow our hearts to open up to being vulnerable to the things in life which could possibly hurt us emotionally. We don't want our closed off hearts to never open up and "rot" so to speak. Instead we need to be brave and allow the beauty within our hearts to sprout and be shared with others.
With Jesus' help, we can be more courageous and crack open that tough shell of defense which we often use to protect our hearts from being potentially hurt.
Fear not for I am with you....Isaiah 41:10
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