American Cancer Society's "Relay for Life" is this weekend and for the first time in five years, I have not been looking forward to participating. I have had much anxiety because I have been missing mom so much and I am afraid I will cry and be sad but Pastor Ellen says tears are healing. Tom has to work until early afternoon so he can't be with me to offer his support if I should need to lean on him.
As I am journaling this, God has sent his beautiful singing bird messenger of the night to sing her joyous songs of hope to me.
The Opening Ceremony with the "Survivors Lap" stirs up some anxiety with memories of mom participating in the past and it creates much sadness just thinking about it. The thoughts of Tom's brother currently enduring his cancer treatments also makes me sad for him and for the rest of our family who all care so deeply about him.
I am very anxious over the balloon release which we personally hold in memory of mom. We release a balloon in mom's memory & watch it rise up in the air with an attached sentiment tied to the string. We watch the balloon rise until we can no longer see it in the sky. I don't plan to write a message to mom but in my head and in my heart, I will be sending mom a message too.
The Luminaria Ceremony also makes me anxious because while watching it in the past without any grief of my own, I once cried in sadness for others and mom was still alive then. How will I hold up this weekend?
So God's bird messenger of the night sings to me right now with encouragement and she wants me to.....Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7
And if anxiety should take over while at the Relay this weekend and if I have to cry, God's bird messenger of the night sings her compassionate song to me and wants me to know that .....Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4
God's bird messenger of the night is also singing to me with joy and reassurance right now as she sings with certainty........Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. - Psalm 63:7
God's bird messenger of the night is confidently singing to me right now and wants me to rely heavily on this verse.......When I am afraid, I will trust in you. - Psalm 56:3
Isn't God good in knowing me so well? God always knows just what I need and when I need it, in order for me to "get it."
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