Friday, July 4, 2008

No Favorites

Does God listen to the prayers of some people more than he does of others?

I think God DOES listen more to the prayers of some people but ONLY because they pray MORE OFTEN than others do in the first place!

With ADHD and the many distractions and thoughts bouncing around in my mind at rapid-fire speed, it is often next to impossible to even THINK of asking for prayer. Sometimes I start to pray and I lose my train of thought! Then I joke with God saying "oh well, you know ALL so you already know what I need prayer for anyway!"

But seriously, God knit me in my mother's womb with the sense to use methods of compensation for my many deficiencies and one method is for me to journal. Journaling my prayer requests helps to keep me focused and it is also a great way for me to look back on those requests some time later and realize the prayers were answered!

From the very first day, at the beginning of the week while at Mt. Hermon, I felt the urge to approach Pastor Wayne and Pastor Rene and any other influential person I was able to meet so that I could let my prayer request be known and share the exciting yet fearful news of the Church Plant I am involved in with Pastor Ellen. I was so happy that God also had me bump into Junko which provided the opportunity for me to share my prayer concerns with her too!

On Friday morning at Mt. Hermon, (the last day) God had me realize something very important which I shared with the members in my small group. I admitted to them about how I was looking for "influential" people all week long while at Mt. Hermon so they could pray for me, Pastor Ellen, and God's Church in general. But fortunately God had me realize that He listens to EVERYONE'S prayer requests equally. It doesn't matter WHO requests the prayer because everyone's concerns are important to God and he doesn't play favorites.

So in meeting with my small group on Friday morning as our week at Mt Hermon was winding down, I asked ALL of them for their prayers but at that time I was so confused and frustrated that I didn't even know WHAT my prayer request about our Church Plant should be anymore! How stupid was that?

But God knew which sheep to pair me up with in small group number 23 during the week at Mt. Hermon. (23 happens to be my favorite number by the way) These wonderful small group members were JUST AS influential as anyone else in asking for prayer because God listens to each and every prayer of ALL of his sheep equally. How wonderful is that for me to have realized!

It was during the last small group meeting of the week, after some hesitation and wondering on my part, my response for what my prayer request should be was "I don't know, I guess I need prayer for trust, faith and patience for sure."

By Friday evening on the way to the last evening worship of the week, God had me realize that the prayers from my small group members were answered. All week long my prayer concern was for Pastor Ellen, me, and the efforts of planting God's Church. However, I realized that in my prayer I failed to acknowledge the most important part, and that was for me to know that I MUST be willing to accept Thy will be done. (Matthew 6:10)

During Pastor Wayne's last sermon on that same Friday evening at the end of a week at Mt. Hermon, God had me realize even more of what he wanted me to "get" and fortunately God had prompted me to bring my journal with me so I was able to take notes from the messages God was SHOUTING at me through Pastor Wayne's sermon.

God wanted me to know that I am to "Trust in the Lord when I don't understand" which is what Pastor Wayne explained in his sermon. We don't have a crystal ball. We don't have any "blueprints" for building God's Church. It isn't up to me to be in control. It isn't up to me to take the wheel and steer things my way. In planting God's Church, God wants me to let go, let God, put complete trust in him and just obey. I guess that's where the term "blind faith" comes from. God wants me to just submit to him.

I am to Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways acknowledge him, and he will make my paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5

All week long I had hoped to journal but nothing came with ease. Thursday night I "happened" to have my journal with me while in the Field House rec room and the pen flowed freely.

Friday night after the sermon there was opportunity for sharing. God had prompted me to bring along my journal with the many pages of inspiration from the night before. The Holy Spirit was in this ADHD scatter-brained lamb and He prompted me to get up and share.

Flying by the seat of my pants, or "wingin' it" while public speaking is the worst idea for an ADHD lamb to even consider. I had my journal though. Without hesitation I got up and stood before the many people there. I skimmed through my journal and read the majority of what was journaled the night before but threw in some typical ADHD "random thoughts" in addition.

In my ADHD way of taking too much time to get to the point, Pastor Sam interrupted and asked Pastor Ellen to pray for me. I didn't have the opportunity to share the last minute realizations God had given me.

In the week since coming back from Mt. Hermon, in my typical negative thinking way, I have been beating myself up in my mind with what I said, how I said it, and thinking I made a fool of myself as usual. I know in my head that I am only to be concerned with what God's opinion of me is. I know in my head that people think it was brave of me to have gotten up to share. (because a few people told me so) In my heart however, it is hard for me to believe that God would be proud of the mere attempt at trying to be a disciple.

Now after a week of digesting what happened to me at Mt. Hermon, I realize this was all part of God's plan. My ADHD live-in-person testimony on Friday night was interrupted for a reason.

God knew the testimony as it was, was incomplete. God knew my testimony could be shared more clearly with fewer ADHD random-thought moments. God knew that if given the oppportunity to better organize my testimony, it could have more of an impact and it could be shared with many more people than just those in attendance on Friday night at the end of a week at Mt. Hermon.

So God wants me to spend the next moments, hours, DAYS as it will likely be, to compose my testimony before sharing it completely. That is what I am to do. That is what God had planned from the beginning. So in obeying God, that is what I will start working on and if you're interested check back later to see just how that will unfold.

*note: Thank you to the members in small group number 23: Danny, Melanie, Terence, Flora, Jason, Carrie, Brian, Kiku and Dave for your prayers!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

WOW.. you are sooooo brave! That is so cool that you got up to speak and share in front of everyone! Who knows how many people out there also struggle with ADHD and were blessed and encouraged by what you said!!! You ROCK!!!!